late recovery
Themes: Grief, anxiety, search for meaning, need for understanding and reflections upon resentment and forgiveness.
Tools: Therapy, reality checks, rest & digest, writing on the wall, podcasts, meditation, sharing my story.
Therapy
Regular sessions with a psychologist really paid off during late recovery. I was ready to let the monster out of my black box, and the professional frame provided a safe setting for doing so. The anger and pain had lessened to such a degree that opening up did not result in an explosion or a meltdown, and I was able to reflect on my own and other people’s behaviour with relative ease. It was healing in itself not to be perceived as ‘tense’ or ‘difficult’ but as somebody who was simply unloading an awful experience, and understanding other people’s motives for behaving badly was nothing short of enlightening. I felt accepted and understood, and it helped me relax. I was gradually able to gear down my defences, and started to feel like my normal self again. I don’t think it’s ever too late to process the past, so if you haven’t had therapy yet you might want to give it a try. Worth every penny if you ask me. The chemistry has to be right in order to build trust, so if you don’t like the first therapist you meet, don’t hesitate to try another.
Reality Checks
Reality checks are similar to direct confrontations, except they do not involve the perpetrators. Sharing my story with a psychologist and people in power who were not directly involved in the drama (such as Hades’ boss, the AP, the Head of the RCSM, and my mentor) proved to me that I was neither crazy nor overreacting to what happened. Quite the contrary – their sobering reactions helped me regain my sense of dignity and propelled me forward on the path toward recovery.
Rest & Digest
As doctors, we know the importance of rest when it comes to healing. It is almost impossible to digest a difficult experience if you keep on going like there’s no tomorrow, so if there ever was a time to reduce the amount of work that you do or even take a sabbatical, that would be now. You’ll thank yourself later. I was able to take a few months off during both early and late recovery, and wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
Writing On The Wall
The ‘writing on the wall’ was of paramount importance in keeping me on the right track during recovery, like a compass telling me which direction to go in and how to avoid the pitfalls. The texts I pasted in front of my eyes were reminders of hope that helped me pause when agitated and prevented me from shooting myself in the foot when angry or sad. They boosted my self-esteem and kept me focused on my long-range goal of restoring justice in as respectful a way as possible, without causing further harm.
Podcasts
I often listened to spiritually-oriented podcasts when I needed inspiration and nourishment for the soul, especially Jack Kornfield’s Heart Wisdom Podcast. It was like downloading love and support on demand. What a wonderful invention! The content calmed me down, changed my stance from reactive to reflective, and pointed to new ways of managing my life. I often listened while resting on the sofa, taking a walk, or doing housework, and I let the teachings lull me to sleep almost every night. Priceless.
Meditation
There are many ways of meditating, and I am not going to go into any specifics about the multitude of available techniques here. To start with, you can either take a course or try one of the many guided meditations that are available online. I use a simple method of observing my breath for about 3 to 30 minutes at a time, and it does the trick for me. The point is that even just a few moments of stillness every day can do wonders for the mind, emotions and body, not to mention the insights you often get about how to best manage your life. What works and doesn’t work somehow becomes apparent, and difficult emotions become easier to handle. My meditation practice repeatedly reveals to me the absurdity of some of my thoughts, and connects me to the voice of my soul instead. It has reduced the amount of stress I experience, and improved the quality of my life to such a degree that I am unlikely to ever stop doing it.
Sharing My Story
As I said at the beginning of the recovery section, then I don’t think you can successfully move past a bad experience without speaking up about it. And I don’t think you can heal from sexual harassment without returning the shame. That involves letting the perpetrator know how the abuse affected you – unless you deem it to be too dangerous to do so. Telling the truth is the key to your healing, and I recommend you share your story with one or more people you trust once you’re ready to speak up. It is probably the most healing thing of all in terms of recovery. Saved my soul, for sure.